8 Signs of a Toxic Relationship

Toxic relationships are unhealthy and can undermine your physical, emotional, and mental health. Yet, many of us caught in this type of union have no idea that the relationship is not normal or healthy. We are too close to see the signs of a toxic relationship objectively.

If it was your best friend involved with someone who constantly criticized, gaslighted, or betrayed them, you might be the first to speak up. However, it is time to uncover the truth and take a good look at your own relationship.

Eight signs of a toxic relationship

The signs of a toxic relationship are there, but it is true what they say, “love is blind.” It is as if we walk around with blinders. When we notice a sign, we may second guess our intuition, allowing self-doubt and the fear of overreacting to keep us from distancing ourselves.

Instead of settling, consider the following eight signs of a toxic relationship and compare the behaviors to your partner’s actions. If they ring true, you must decide whether to pursue the relationship (possibly with counseling) or find your own path.

You cannot trust your partner

Betrayal comes in many forms, but the underlying theme is that you cannot trust your partner. It may be that they say they are going to be somewhere but never show repeatedly. Or it could be that they have betrayed you through infidelity or made terrible financial decisions behind your back. Often, people are repeat offenders, trying to behave to stay in your good graces until an opportunity presents itself that is too tempting.

Once trust is broken, it is hard to regain. Even after weeks, months, and years, the emotional scars from betrayal may still be there. People can change their behaviors with God’s help if they repent and turn from their impulses and desire to change. However, if you are continually being burned by someone, it may be time to move on.

Your partner criticizes you

Constructive criticism serves a purpose: to educate and give insight into a situation or endeavor. However, maliciously criticizing someone to make them feel bad breaks down self-esteem and confidence. In addition, it can cause the other person to become nervous and anxious. For example, have you ever tried to learn something from someone who acts as if you should already know what you are doing and yells at you for doing it wrong to the point that you tremble under their glare? This is toxic behavior.

Does your partner seem to criticize you at every turn? Do they call you names or say that you are stupid, dumb, or ignorant? This is not someone you need in your life. People who are condescending to others typically say things to make themselves feel better about their own insecurities.

Your partner belittles you to others

Besides lying to you and not supporting you when you need them most, toxic partners tend to bad-mouth their significant others to people. For example, they may complain to their friends that their partner is crazy or use expletives to gain sympathy for their “plight.”

Toxic partners may go one step further by making comments to their significant other’s friends and coworkers, trying to make these people believe the stories. This is an attempt to isolate the partner from their friend group and is another form of controlling and manipulative behavior.

Your partner leaves you feeling drained

Toxic relationships are draining. For example, have you ever hung up the phone after a long conversation with someone and felt worn out? Perhaps the person complains or gives you backhanded compliments. Maybe you always feel like you are on the defensive around them.

How do you feel when they are in your presence? When they leave, do you feel drained and even slightly relieved that they have gone? These are signs that your relationship is sapping the energy from you, and you are probably the only one working too hard to keep it going. The conflict is emotionally draining.

Your partner displays controlling behaviors

There are some situations where we want our partners to take control. Maybe you are grieving the death of a parent, and your significant other offers to handle the arrangements. Or maybe your car has broken down for the last time, and your partner takes it upon himself to fix it. These are typical scenarios, and couples find that they are not strong individually all the time. You will lift your partner up on more than one occasion, and they will do the same for you in a healthy relationship.

But when your partner controls everything to the point that you must ask for permission or are made to feel guilty for wanting to do things, then the relationship has taken a wrong turn. For example, if your partner controls all of the finances, including the checking, savings, bills, and income, and gets angry when you ask about the details or if you spend money, they are displaying controlling behaviors.

Your partner makes you doubt yourself

Does your partner do and say things to get a rise out of you and then call you crazy? For example, does your significant other do something terrible but then deny it and try to convince you that you imagined it or that you are twisting what happened? This type of controlling behavior is called gaslighting.

Gaslighting breeds self-doubt and lowers your confidence. It leaves you looking for solid proof when you know deep down that something is wrong. You begin to doubt yourself and your gut instinct about this person and their actions and words. Gaslighting leaves emotional and mental scars. After a breakup, it may take months or years to recover and move past the emotional and mental wounds.

You are beginning to let yourself go

Does your relationship make you stressed, anxious, and depressed? Are you starting to let yourself go? Your emotional and mental health can affect how you take care of your basic needs. For example, you can develop depression and no longer have the desire to take care of personal hygiene. As a result, getting dressed becomes a struggle.

Your self-esteem lowers in a toxic relationship, and you might not see the point of getting dressed in the morning or trying to look handsome or pretty. Perhaps your significant other accuses you of betrayal every time you dress nicely, so you have finally given up. On the other hand, a partner wants their significant other to look their best and feel confident.

Your partner projects blame

People will often project blame onto others to deflect attention from their behaviors. For example, a man cheating on his girlfriend (or thinking about it) may accuse her of cheating on him. Or a woman might blame every problem in the marriage on her husband, refusing to take personal responsibility for at least a small part of the contention.

Does your partner continually point the finger at you and others? Do they take personal responsibility for their actions or insist that “if you had only listened,” this bad thing (fill in the blank) would not have happened? Do they become enraged when you defend yourself from their accusations? Playing the blame game is not part of a healthy relationship.

Are you getting out of a toxic relationship?

Did you recognize the signs of a toxic relationship? Are you considering walking away from a relationship that has hurt your physical, emotional, or mental health? Those relationships are unhealthy, and you cannot live your best life attached to an abusive partner. Because that is what it boils down to – toxic relationships are often abusive on some level.

If you need help starting over or healing from a past toxic relationship, reach out to our office today. You can schedule a session with a counselor to help get you started on the path to freedom and confidence.