Individual Counseling Archives | Rowlett Christian Counseling

Using Biblical Wisdom to Break the Cycle of Negative Thinking

Using Biblical Wisdom to Break the Cycle of Negative Thinking

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-02-18T13:57:24+00:00February 18th, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

We all have a mind that talks to us. The brain uses it to replay experiences (via thoughts that pop up as we go about our day), to help us make decisions, and to guide future choices. These thoughts, however, are not always accurate or true. At times we can fall into a cycle of negative thinking. In the space between stimulus (what happens) and how we respond, lies our freedom to choose. – Stephen R. Cove Due to a survival-based trait known as negativity bias, the brain is wired to pay more attention to negative experiences and anything that could potentially be dangerous or pose a threat. As a result, negative thoughts tend to stick with us more firmly, and we may not even notice the many positive things in our surroundings. Examples of Negative Thinking Ruminating You get stuck in an unproductive loop of negative thoughts and feelings about past distressing experiences, mistakes, or events, and keep replaying the details repeatedly in your mind Overgeneralization You assume that because something happened one way, it will always happen that way. So, for instance, a negative experience in one situation is an indicator of a never-ending pattern of defeat. Mental filtering You discount the good in a situation and see only the bad. You may, for instance, feel as though your accomplishments don’t count, or focus on a negative detail of something instead of a realistic appraisal of the whole. All or nothing thinking You see everything in extremes of black or white, or good or bad, with no middle ground. One mistake, for instance, can lead you to believe that you are a complete failure. Jumping to conclusions You think you know what the outcome of things will be and are quick to jump to conclusions, interpret situations, [...]

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The Hidden Trap of Codependency in Church Small Groups

The Hidden Trap of Codependency in Church Small Groups

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-02-12T06:09:16+00:00February 12th, 2026|Codependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Church was meant to be a place of healing and growth, but with the introduction of small groups, unhealthy codependent behavior patterns have been introduced to believers. In the confines of these small groups, there is a dynamic that can inadvertently foster patterns of codependency. Disguised as devotion and masked with good intentions, this trap lies hidden. Caring for others becomes a consuming need that fuels the desire to be needed. This creates a cycle of trying to fulfill that need and ultimately leads to exhaustion. The tension that develops between the biblical community and personal boundaries becomes a complicated dance in a struggle to know where serving ends and self-destruction begins. We were never meant to establish relationships where one person carries the burden and the other contributes nothing. However, in small groups, this imbalance shows up quite frequently and creates a facade about Christ-like love. Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks that he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. – Galatians 6:2-3, NASB Recognizing Codependent Behavior Patterns in Faith Communities The issue runs deeper than a simple people-pleasing mindset. Sometimes, church environments cause unconscious reward and codependent behavior by celebrating self-sacrifice. The underlying motives aren’t examined because members feel they must take part in everything the church does. Members often prioritize the needs of others above their own, and they fear conflict at all costs. They may even derive their sense of worth from being indispensable leaders. Small groups create an atmosphere that promotes vulnerability because of their intimate nature. Members share deep personal struggles, which creates opportunities for other individuals to become emotional rescuers. These rescuers feel as though they are needed and valuable, and others learn to rely on this consistent source of [...]

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What You Should Know About Passive Aggressive Behavior

What You Should Know About Passive Aggressive Behavior

Melissa Plantz2026-01-27T05:59:15+00:00January 27th, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Do you know someone who uses passive-aggressive tactics to manipulate others? There are several forms of passive-aggressive behavior, but the truth is that a deeper reason lies behind the deception and mean-spiritedness. What is passive-aggressive behavior? Passive-aggressive behavior is a common coping mechanism employed by many individuals. Unfortunately, it is not a direct way to communicate or resolve conflict. Often, these traits exacerbate the situation. You have likely observed some of the following passive-aggressive behaviors. Leaving Hateful Notes The note in the break room telling people to clean up or else, or the note on your bathroom mirror reminding you that only slobs don’t clean the sink, are examples of passive-aggression. People with passive-aggressive behaviors applaud themselves for “telling” people off through notes. Complaining to Others Grumbling or complaining to others, but never to your face, is another tactic. They may make remarks to others, even angrily or bitterly, yet only smile at you or, at least, act indifferent. Intentionally Messing Up Tasks so Others Have To Do Them Sabotaging tasks or procrastinating for so long that you have no choice but to complete the work is a passive-aggressive ploy. It may be that they are angry with you or feel overwhelmed with the tasks, but instead of expressing their displeasure, they hide out or mess things up. Giving Back-Handed Compliments People with passive-aggressive behaviors are skilled at delivering backhanded compliments, which can be vaguely insulting. They may make sarcastic remarks and then laugh them off as a joke when you confront them about it. Posting Pointed Social Media Posts Without Naming Names Another tactic is posting rude or mean things on social media, almost sounding as if they are justifiably calling someone out. However, they never tag the person and may even block that person from seeing the [...]

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Ways to Help Anxiety When You Can’t Sleep

Ways to Help Anxiety When You Can’t Sleep

Stephanie Kramer2026-01-21T11:27:56+00:00January 20th, 2026|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Sleeping is supposed to be one of the natural occurrences in your life, like breathing. Your body is supposed to know how to do it instinctively. Lie down, close your eyes, and drift to sleep. Right? But in the real world of frantic schedules, noisy neighbors, and a mountain of bills, sleep doesn’t always come naturally; sometimes anxiety gets in the way. Add anxiety, and you’re in for a night of turmoil. Anxiety is the enemy of a good night’s sleep. Your mind races along with your heart. And no amount of warm milk or counting sheep seems to compensate for the constant movie reel playing in your head. The one showing you what your worst fear may look like if it were really to happen (which you’ve convinced yourself will happen). Or replaying that awkward encounter you had last week. Trying to immediately overcome your battle with anxiety, a battle you’ve likely fought for a long time, isn’t practical. Not at two in the morning. Not when you have an important meeting the next day. But existing, productively, and healthily with your anxiety? Now that’s the way to a better night’s rest. What can I do about anxiety when I can't sleep? So, what can you actually do when it’s the middle of the night and your thoughts just won’t shut up and sleep is playing hard to get? Start small Start simple. Breathe like you mean it. Not deep, dramatic breaths, just steady ones. In through your nose and out through your mouth. Count them if it helps. Or whisper something calming to yourself like “This will pass,” or lean on your faith with a quick reminder that “God is in control.” Because it will pass and God is in control. Get out of bed if you [...]

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How to Forgive: Dealing with Toxic and Dysfunctional Family Members

How to Forgive: Dealing with Toxic and Dysfunctional Family Members

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-01-03T06:23:09+00:00January 5th, 2026|Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

There aren’t any relationships quite like the relationship you have with your family. You can have “found family,” the people you gather around yourself as you make your way through life, and those relationships can be influential and life-changing. Your family, however, is that group of people you didn’t choose to be connected to, and maybe you wouldn’t ever pick them if you had the opportunity. However, it came about, family is a tie that binds. Putting it like that almost makes it seem as though families are more trouble than they’re worth, and more likely to be troublesome than not. Families are the first community we find ourselves part of, and they can be an amazing community of nurture and learning. These communities, like any other community, can be beautiful, but they can also be dysfunctional. What do you do when your family is toxic or dysfunctional? Various Ways Families May Be Dysfunctional When one or more people come together for a common cause, the door is open to issues such as unbalanced power dynamics, unhealthy communication, conflict, and personality clashes. There are different ways for a family to be dysfunctional, and each family can manifest dysfunction in its own unique way. Some common patterns of dysfunction in families include the following: Emotional dysfunction This includes issues such as emotional abuse, neglect, and placing unrealistic expectations upon family members. Abuse can take the form of belittling humor, emotional manipulation, and verbal aggression. Ignoring or being dismissive of family members’ needs is emotional neglect. Families are also spaces where excessive pressure to succeed is often placed on people. Communication breakdown Communication is the lifeblood of a relationship, and there are various ways it can break down. Dysfunction might take the form of passive-aggressive behavior, being overly critical of one [...]

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12 Unhealthy Habits to Avoid When You Stop Drinking Alcohol

12 Unhealthy Habits to Avoid When You Stop Drinking Alcohol

Grace Mavindidze2025-11-27T06:22:20+00:00November 27th, 2025|Chemical Dependency, Featured, Individual Counseling|

The decision to stop drinking alcohol is an amazing step toward healing and renewal. It will bring you much more clarity, restore relationships, and allow space for God’s guidance into your daily life. Of course, it won’t always be easy. Some struggles may catch you off guard. Even everyday moments like coming home after a long day, watching others drink at a gathering, or feeling stressed and unsure of how to fill that gap, will give you some new hurdles to get over. The habits you had built around drinking, like always having a drink while watching TV or turning to alcohol for comfort, will still be drawing you in to get back to the usual. But staying sober isn’t just about avoiding alcohol; it’s about reshaping routines, leaning on faith, and making choices that support this new path. Some things that you think you should do that seem harmless might actually make it harder to stay strong. Everyday Habits That Can Make Sobriety Harder Relying too much on caffeine Switching from alcohol to coffee or energy drinks might seem like a harmless trade, but too much caffeine will only leave you more anxious, restless, and tossing and turning all night. Staying hydrated with water and herbal teas is a better way to stay clear-headed. Spending too much time watching TV Binge-watching shows may seem like an easy way to pass the time, but you’ll find yourself still skipping responsibilities, avoiding social interactions, and neglecting personal growth. Finding balance in healthy activities like reading, exercising, or connecting with others is the way to go. Constantly being online Social media can be a great entertainer, but too much of it will eventually stress you more as you expose yourself to impersonal, sometimes unrealistic stuff. Limiting screen time and focusing on [...]

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How to Communicate Better with Your Grandchildren from Afar

How to Communicate Better with Your Grandchildren from Afar

Stephanie Kramer2025-10-30T06:01:14+00:00October 30th, 2025|Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Who wouldn’t want to be there to see their grandchild take their first step or be on stage for their first solo? But life is complicated, and geographical distance often prevents grandparents from being as involved in their grandchildren’s lives as they would like. And while it might feel like a good idea to move closer to the grandkids, that is sometimes not an option for many practical reasons.So how do you compensate for the miles-wide chasm between you? Here are some ideas to help you stay invested and relevant in your grandchildren’s lives, even though miles may separate you.Speak Their LanguageThe generational gap is never more obvious than when an older adult tries to have a conversation with a teen. If your grandchildren are in their pre-teen or teen years, you may have noticed a few “sigmas” and “skibidis” thrown into their conversation. As confusing as these slang terms are to you, they are part of your grandchild’s generational culture. It’s important to try to understand their language, not just the slang words that come out of their mouth, but the deeper meaning behind their words.Don’t assume you know what your grandchild thinks or feels; ask them. Don’t assume their political leanings are the same as yours or even their parents. Don’t assume that they enjoy the activities they did five years ago. Learn about your grandchildren by being open-minded and humble and asking questions.While you need to set a good example for your grandchildren, you need to have an understanding of their beliefs and their respect before your opinion will impact them.Remember the Special OccasionsOf course, you don’t want to be in their life just on special occasions, but birthdays and Christmas are great times to make a connection with the grandchildren. These holidays allow you to give [...]

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The Power of the Tongue: A Weapon or a Witness?

The Power of the Tongue: A Weapon or a Witness?

Stephanie Kramer2025-09-27T08:38:14+00:00September 27th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development|

Words are powerful. They can build people up, teach them about the Lord, and communicate love. But there is a dark side to the small but mighty tongue. Sometimes it can tear people down, separate them from the love of the Lord, and communicate hate and gossip. Most of us learn pretty early on about the power of words. Maybe you learned it through a cruel nickname that stuck longer than the memory of its origin or maybe it was a simple, but well-placed “I believe in you” that changed the direction of your whole life. The Bible doesn’t tiptoe around the truth about the words we speak. Proverbs 18:21 (NIV) says it loud and clear: “The tongue has the power of life and death and those who love it will eat its fruits.” Life or death? That’s serious business. It means every time we open our mouths (an argument could be made that our texting fingers are likewise accountable), we’re making a choice. Do we want to give someone life, or do we want to crush them? That sounds pretty dramatic, but it’s true. Remember that one time when someone said something encouraging to you when you were drowning in self-doubt? Their words were like a warm light cutting through the fog and leading you to a better place. Or maybe you still hear the voice of a critic echoing something hurtful that is hard to shake, even years later. That’s the power of the tongue. Words as Weapons Sometimes we weaponize our words without meaning to. You might be stressed, tired, or in pain and you snap. Sarcasm, criticism, gossip, blame – all of it can be deadly at the wrong moment. James 3:6 (NIV) puts it like this: “The tongue also is a fire, a world of [...]

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7 Signs of Unresolved Trauma in Men

7 Signs of Unresolved Trauma in Men

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2025-09-02T09:56:37+00:00September 2nd, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Trauma|

The vast majority of people will have to navigate trauma at some point in their lives, if not in themselves, then with their loved ones. Unresolved trauma lies unseen in a person, usually only becoming apparent in our adult lives as we enter serious relationships. Trauma manifests uniquely in everyone. However, some common signs of trauma can be specific to gender. Whether it is in the way they handle their emotions or in the way that they have been affected by toxic masculinity, unresolved trauma is often at the root of behavioral problems that affect and damage men’s relationships. If we want to have healthy and intimate relationships, we might have to begin addressing the unresolved trauma in our lives. Old Wounds Some traumas are ongoing and complex, causing much damage and leaving noticeable marks on a person. However, some events barely even register as traumatic. It is only later in life, when issues pop up, that we might realize we were deeply affected by trauma. The common saying that ‘time heals all wounds’ is untrue; all that time does is cover the memory of the trauma. When a person experiences trauma, especially if it is ongoing trauma, they build beliefs around the traumatic events. For example, a child who is frequently left alone or ignored will begin to believe that they are unworthy of anyone’s attention and care. When a person doesn’t quite understand why they are being treated a certain way, they tend to fill in the blanks. Sometimes they do this in the most hurtful of ways, coming to the bleakest conclusions about themselves. Seven Signs of Unresolved Trauma in Men When you peel back the layers, at the core of any trauma is the feeling of being unsafe. Men and boys in America are conditioned and [...]

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Things About Grief that People Misunderstand

Things About Grief that People Misunderstand

Wade Van Staden2025-07-18T07:01:56+00:00July 18th, 2025|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

Even though most people will experience grief at least once in their lives, many misunderstand it. Most tend to see grief as an emotional disturbance after someone dies, one that we must try to get through so that we can have stable lives once again. This couldn’t be further from the truth. When we understand it and allow it to affect us positively, parts of us grow and change for the better. Misunderstandings About Grief Our understanding of grief is shaped by many things, such as our family’s attitude toward death, our personal experience with loss, and cultural influences. Some people fear death because they have been warned from a tender age about the existence of hell and judgment in the afterlife. Their attitude might be affected by fear. Other people have a stoic attitude toward emotional displays of any kind, so they view grief as something that must be “dealt with” so that a person can move forward in their life. It helps to examine what we believe about it, whether we are facing it ourselves or supporting someone else through it. It is not an emotion Grief is not a single emotion we experience. Rather, it is a mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual response to loss. We might feel many emotions in grief, even conflicting ones. Sometimes we don’t feel any emotions, at least at first. It is a complex experience that affects each part of our own life and reaches out to affect those closest to us. It is not only about death We most commonly associate grief with the death of a loved one, but people may grieve for all manner of things. When we lose something that has deeply impacted and shaped us, we will grieve. People grieve over relationships, jobs, places they once [...]

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