Overcoming Toxic Traits in a Relationship

Relationships with other people can be a source of deep pain, but they can just as easily be the best thing about life. When your relationships are great, they have the potential to make you deliriously happy, and you can feel supported, cared for, and known. Even if you’re going through an especially tough time in a relationship with toxic traits, knowing that there are people who have your back makes your passage through the fire that much easier.

On the other hand, if your relationships are difficult – if the people around you don’t support you, if you don’t feel cared for or seen, or if you are constantly fighting over one thing or the other – then even if things are going well at work or in other areas of life, it’s likely you won’t have a general sense of well-being. Relationships are that important in our lives.

That being said, when relationships are unhealthy or toxic, that is not a fait accompli. A toxic relationship can be changed, and the toxic traits in it can be exchanged for healthier habits and patterns. One of the first steps is identifying what those toxic traits in your relationship are.

Identifying toxic traits in a relationship

A relationship can be like a living organism. It can be thriving and vibrant, but it can also be sickly and damaged. For instance, if you want to know whether a fruit tree is sick, you can tell by looking at its leaves, whether it produces any fruit, and if the fruit looks and tastes right. In the same way, a relationship that’s toxic will have fruit that indicates as much. Some of the ways to see if a relationship is toxic include the following:

Do you look forward to being with that person or those people?

If you find yourself dreading spending time with someone, there is likely something not quite right with that relationship. Healthy relationships bring joy, and we gravitate toward joy and the things that make us feel alive. Avoidance of certain people can indicate that the relationship may be toxic in one way or another.

Are you energized by the relationship?

When you spend time with someone that you enjoy being around, it will often leave you feeling energized. Even with people who can be considered introverted, there is a sense of well-being after spending time with people they enjoy, but a certain kind of fatigue from being with someone who may be a little trying or challenging to get along with.

Do you feel seen and heard?

If you find yourself in a relationship where you seem to fight for attention, or you’re uncertain if the other person knows you or your needs and concerns, that could well be because the relationship has some toxic elements.

Do you make excuses for the other person?

People make mistakes, and sometimes your loved ones can be embarrassing. However, if you find yourself often making excuses for someone because of their behavior, it is problematic and may point to an unhealthy dynamic in your relationship. Instead of accountability, the relationship may be one of enablement.

You lose your sense of yourself

Relationships can change us, in the best of ways. They can help to make us more of who God made us to be. They can make us more vibrantly ourselves.

However, if you find yourself withdrawing more, becoming more unsure of yourself and your judgment, losing confidence, increasingly reliant on the other person’s perspective to make sense of things, or you find yourself becoming isolated from your other loved ones, these all point to a troubling pattern in a relationship.

If you see a relationship exhibiting these traits, it’s likely there is a toxic dynamic at play. Toxic relationships tend to be ones where there are anger issues, the relationship is one-sided, jealousy abounds in the relationship, there is abuse such as gaslighting or physical or emotional abuse, and much else.

These are various, unhealthy ways for people to relate to one another. Instead of honoring and treating one another with dignity, toxic relationships undermine the well-being and inherent dignity of the people in them.

Overcoming a toxic relationship

It may be a well-worn cliché, but clichés become what they are for a reason. The first step to resolving an issue is knowing you have one. You can become so used to the toxic dynamic of your relationship that you’re blind to it. However, by paying attention to how your relationship affects you and your sense of well-being, it may be possible to begin identifying the toxic traits in your relationship.

The toxic traits of a relationship can be overcome if both people in the relationship are willing to change and do things differently. With help from a professional counselor at Rowlett Christian Counseling in Texas, it is possible to identify the toxic traits in your relationship. You can also work on deepening your ability to communicate and handle conflict well and learn better ways to express anger or other difficult emotions.