How Love Languages Impact Relationships

What kind of influence do the five love languages have on your relationships? What does it mean to speak a love language?

It’s been said that there are five distinct ways to show and receive affection, and figuring out which one works best for you could completely change the dynamic of your relationship.

Even though you may show your significant other affection regularly, do you ever stop to consider whether or not you are conveying that affection in the manner in which they would prefer to receive it? When two people in a relationship speak different love languages to one another, even love can sometimes get lost in translation.

What are the five different ways to express love?

Words of affirmation, quality time spent together, receiving gifts, acts of service, and physical touch are the five different ways that people can express and receive love. People do not all express their love in the same way. Individuals also have varying preferences regarding the mode in which they are shown love. Gary Chapman, Ph.D., developed the idea of love languages in his book, The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts.

In this book, he describes five distinct ways of communicating love, categories that he distilled from his experience in marriage counseling and linguistics. Chapman is credited with the development of the concept of love languages.

According to a marriage and family therapist named Sunny Motamedi, Psy.D, “We all may relate to most of these languages, but each of us has one that speaks to us the most.” Motamedi continues, “If you and your partner can determine your primary love language and communicate with one another in that language regularly, you may [be able to] better understand each other’s needs and support each other’s growth.”

The five love languages

1. Affirmative Statements and Phrases

People who speak words of affirmation as their primary love language place a high value on verbal expressions of affection. These expressions include frequent expressions of love such as “I love you,” compliments, words of appreciation, verbal encouragement, and often frequent digital communication such as texting and engagement on social media.

2. Spending Quality Time

People who see time as their primary love language experience the deepest feelings of adoration when their significant other eagerly seeks opportunities to spend time with them and is always game for hanging out. They appreciate relationship-defining characteristics such as prioritizing active listening, eye contact, and full presence.

3. Acts of Service

If acts of service are how you express and feel love, you find it meaningful when they go out of their way to make your life less difficult. Things like bringing you soup when you’re sick, making your coffee in the morning, or picking up your dry cleaning after a long day at work are examples of acts of service.

4. Gifts

If “visual symbols of love,” as Chapman refers to them, make you feel loved, gifts are a significant love language for you. It is not the monetary value of the item that is important, but rather the symbolic thought that lies behind it.

People who have this style are aware of and appreciate the process of gift-giving, which includes thoughtful reflection, the deliberate selection of an object to symbolically represent the relationship, and the emotional benefits that result from receiving the gift.

5. Direct Physical Contact

Kissing, holding hands, cuddling up on the couch, or even having sex are all examples of physical gestures of affection that can help a person who communicates their love through physical touch feel loved.

People who speak this love language find that being physically close to another person and touching them can be extremely affirming and serve as a powerful emotional connector. The roots can go back to childhood. This could be from a time when they felt their parents’ deep affection and love when they were held, kissed, or touched by their parents.

Expressing love using the different languages of love

The concept of love languages is deceptively straightforward, and gaining an understanding of them can be life-changing if you put in the necessary amount of effort. Curiosity, rather than mind reading, is what it invites into the relationship.

For instance, you may place a high value on words of affirmation, while your partner places a higher value on quality time spent together and physical touch. You might text him sweet nothings all day and think you’re great at expressing love. Meanwhile, he might be wondering why you’re never interested in spending time cuddling on the couch together at night, and he might be feeling unloved as a result of this.

Understanding and communicating your preferences as well as your partner’s preferences so you both feel loved. Sometimes it means you have to make a conscious effort to love the other person in the way that is most meaningful to them instead of what you want from them.

Here are some suggestions for showing love to people who speak one of the following five types of love languages:

Affirmative Words: Words are extremely powerful, so it is important to select them carefully. If you err on the side of positivity, you’ll find that your communications improve. When you become aware of something positive, be sure to express it and do so frequently. It is important not to engage in criticism that is not constructive because words have an effect on people and can leave a lasting impression.

Spending Time Together: Make time for each other in your busy schedules by blocking off specific blocks of time. It might be as easy as taking a walk outside together and having a thoughtful and in-depth discussion about the events of the day. Put the phones away and come to the table.

Performing Kind Acts: To demonstrate your love for someone, go above and beyond with the things you do. Don’t make everything about chores. Different people will have different interpretations of what this love language means to them, so you should ask them what is most meaningful to them.

Think ahead to how you can make their lives easier. Those seemingly insignificant deeds, when added up, can make a significant impact.

Gifts: They will remember the special occasions, so make sure to mark them on the calendar and honor the day and your partner with a thoughtful gift. This will ensure that the occasion is not forgotten.

A gift given “just because” can be especially powerful. It could be something as straightforward as a flower picked by hand from the garden, or it could involve purchasing a charming keychain from their most-loved travel destination. These seemingly insignificant acts can be a significant way to celebrate the relationship.

Physical Touch: Caresses, hugs, and other forms of physical touch are the most important things in the world. This love language is refreshingly uncomplicated, simple, and easy to gratify. It also does not require a significant amount of planning, effort, or money.

Physical touch can be as simple as reaching out to connect with someone by giving them a gentle squeeze of the arm while you’re watching a movie together or tapping them on the behind as you pass them in the hallway.

Do you need counseling?

A counselor can help you and your partner understand your unique love languages and how to show your partner love in meaningful ways. This can make your marriage feel stronger, more connected, and more content as you grow together.

If this sounds like something you would like to pursue, all you need to do is reach out to our office. We can connect you with a counselor that will help you use the love languages in your relationship.