Kate Motaung, Rowlett Christian Counseling

About Kate Motaung

Kate Motaung is the Senior Writer, Editor, and Content Manager for a multi-state company. She is the author of several books including Letters to Grief, 101 Prayers for Comfort in Difficult Times, and A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging. Kate is also the host of Five Minute Friday, an online writing community that equips and encourages Christian writers, and the owner of Refine Services, a company that offers editing services. She and her South African husband have three young adult children and currently live in West Michigan. Find Kate’s books at katemotaung.com/books.

Habits That Make Loneliness and Depression Worse

Habits That Make Loneliness and Depression Worse

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-07-18T05:00:57+00:00July 20th, 2026|Depression, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Women’s Issues|

It’s perfectly normal to sometimes feel alone, vulnerable, and in need of connection, support, and validation. Many people go through seasons of feeling this way until their situation changes, and they find the help they need. However, others seem to live their lives in a constant state of loneliness and depression, forever frustrated that they can’t seem to connect with anybody, and clueless as to how to change. Loneliness is not about being alone as much as it’s about feeling unseen and as if you don’t matter. This might have started in childhood, when your needs and wants were dismissed or overlooked by someone who should have been nurturing and loving you. It might be the result of recent trauma that has left you feeling as if you no longer know how to participate in society. Regardless of the root cause, you have likely picked up habits over the years that have contributed to your feelings of loneliness and depression. You are not forever stuck in this situation, but there is work to do if you are going to get out of it. When Loneliness and Depression Leave You Feeling Invisible If you are dealing with loneliness and depression, you might feel as if you are a ghost. It is as if people see through you and as if you make no real impression on anyone around you. This is an awful feeling that you can never get used to, no matter how many years you have experienced it, and you should never have to. People are made for connection, friendships, relationships, and interdependence. Life is supposed to be complicated and sometimes messy, busy, challenging, and comforting. We are meant to have our hearts broken and then mended, to have love and to give it, to provide support to [...]

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5 “As” for Dealing with Resentment in Marriage

5 “As” for Dealing with Resentment in Marriage

Dr. Huy Lam, Kate Motaung2026-07-07T06:31:24+00:00July 7th, 2026|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

A perfect marriage does not exist. Some marriages are struggling, some are flourishing and healthy, some are dysfunctional, characterized by resentment, and some are happy. But perfect marriages – meaning marriages where there are no issues and all needs and expectations are met as desired – are quite likely an ideal that is rarely, if ever, realized. In any given marriage, there are two people with distinct personalities, needs, stresses, gifts, and abilities. Even with the best of intentions, two such imperfect people are bound to offend one another, either through what they do or what they leave undone. When that happens, the couple can deal with it in ways that bring life to the marriage, or they can address it in ways that spark anger and cause the situation to spiral further downward. Resentment is one of the sentiments that can take root in a marriage and undermine its health. Dealing with it swiftly and decisively is one of the best things you can do to help you and your spouse toward a happier marriage. What is resentment? Resentment is the feeling of anger or indignation that often results when a person is treated unfairly, taken advantage of, or emotionally wounded in any other way. It is a complex and multilayered emotion that combines disappointment, disgust, and anger. Resentment can set in after a single incident, but it often takes root after a pattern of behavior emerges. Resentment often compounds over time. When we feel resentful toward a person, it can present in a variety of ways. It could look like us pretending to be happy and smiling at them to cover our true feelings toward them, or it manifests in speaking in a sarcastic or demeaning way to or about the person we feel resentful toward. What can [...]

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Navigating Couples Counseling for Infidelity and Betrayal

Navigating Couples Counseling for Infidelity and Betrayal

Dr. Huy Lam, Kate Motaung2026-05-19T06:12:57+00:00May 19th, 2026|Couples Counseling, Featured, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

There is something delightful about having a romantic partner or spouse. They and their affections are all rightfully, delightfully yours. This reality can be disrupted by infidelity, and one way to try to recover what was lost is through couples counseling for infidelity. When infidelity occurs, it can feel like your world has collapsed in on itself. It’s a devastating breach of trust that shakes the foundation of a marriage. It is possible to face this painful reality with compassion, honesty, and the desire to restore the relationship where that’s possible. Couples counseling for infidelity can be an important tool in discerning where your relationship stands and in finding healing. Infidelity: What It Is and Isn’t Romantic relationships can be quite complicated in our culture and context. There are open marriages, relationships with three or more individuals in them, others who consider themselves ethically polyamorous, and more. This makes the relationship landscape difficult to navigate, and it seems to also shift the definition of infidelity. The ideal relationship in Scripture is faithfulness to one partner of the opposite sex. As there are different types of relationships out there, it’s hard to come up with one definition of infidelity that fits them all. However, it’s helpful to have something to work with. The term “infidelity” stems from the Latin word meaning “unfaithfulness,” suggesting that it involves more than merely emotional or sexual involvement with someone outside the relationship. Unfaithfulness also entails betrayal, which is a breach of trust that shatters one’s previous understanding about their partner and their union. Common forms of betrayal include hidden alcoholism, gambling, chronic deception, financial secrecy, or other concealed behaviors that violate the expectations and safety of the relationship. In many cases, the majority of the recovery work following infidelity centers not merely on the [...]

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6 Tips for Recovering from Codependency

6 Tips for Recovering from Codependency

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-05-13T06:28:45+00:00May 13th, 2026|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

One of the most challenging things to do is to break or form a new habit because the patterns we’re already used to feel familiar, even when they aren’t helpful to us. Learning new patterns means stepping out of our comfort zone and into what might be a steep learning curve. Recovering from codependency can be understood as breaking away from a particular set of unhealthy relationship habits and moving toward emotional and mental well-being. The Need for Recovery from Codependency It takes time for a person to recover from codependency. It’s a gradual process that requires growing one’s self-awareness, finding emotional healing, and learning how to set healthy boundaries. Before we can do that, though, it’s helpful to understand what codependency is and why there’s a need to recover from it. Codependency is a term that refers to a pattern of behavior where a person’s sense of self-worth and emotional well-being are tied to, or heavily dependent upon, the needs, approval, or behaviors of others. The codependent person will often do this at their own expense, damaging their well-being and even their own sense of identity. This highlights just a few of the reasons why recovery from codependency is necessary. Constantly prioritizing others and their needs can leave a person uncertain of what they want or who they are. That loss of self-identity can be quite damaging for your well-being, because without a strong sense of self, it’s hard to make decisions, emotionally regulate yourself, and remain stable. Codependency can often keep people stuck in unhealthy relationships. These relationships can range from being imbalanced to being outright toxic. Still, the codependent individual will stay in such relationships, to their detriment. By spending an inordinate amount of time and energy on others’ needs, personal growth and well-being are stunted. [...]

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Finding Healing and Home Through Family Counseling

Finding Healing and Home Through Family Counseling

Dr. Huy Lam, Kate Motaung2026-05-30T13:06:29+00:00May 1st, 2026|Family Counseling, Featured, Relationship Issues|

A family can be many things to a person. For many people, their family is where they had their most formative experiences that shaped their outlook on life. Family, for some, is a place of warmth, acceptance, growth, and freedom to learn. For others, family is none of these things, and perhaps it is more of a cautionary tale for their own lives and ambitions. Whatever your experience with family, there is no denying that family plays a role in one’s well-being, whether a positive and nurturing one or a dysfunctional one that needs self-care and unlearning of unhealthy habits. If your family has experienced some problems and is not the place of nurture and safety that you would want it to be, family counseling can be a significant help. What is family counseling? As tempting as it is to blame the teen, the dad, or the mom, there’s rarely a single “culprit” who is responsible for the problems in the family. More often, they emerge from the way everyone relates to one another over time. That’s why focusing only on one person can be inefficient and can end up costing more time, energy, and money. Family counseling offers a focused, powerful way to address the patterns at the heart of what your family is experiencing. Family counseling is a form of group psychotherapy, or group talk therapy, which is designed to help a family improve its dynamics and the relationships in the family. The goal is to uncover and address the relationship patterns that are weighing your family down. If every conflict feels like the same old fight on repeat, your family might be stuck in an unhelpful pattern. Family counseling works on the assumption that the family functions as an interdependent system, with family members interacting with [...]

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Christian Advice for Newlyweds

Christian Advice for Newlyweds

Dr. Huy Lam, Kate Motaung2026-04-01T06:30:01+00:00April 1st, 2026|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

As a Christian, you may or may not have been offered marriage counseling before the wedding. Some pastors require premarital counseling, while others only offer their services if you encounter an issue. The problem with waiting until there is a problem is that you are not equipped to handle it, turning a minor disagreement into a major deal breaker. Seeking Christian marriage advice at any stage of your marriage can help keep the communication lines open and retain trust. Tips for the Newly Married A Christian marriage is the visible manifestation of the invisible reality of God’s love for the church. This beautiful vision comes with weighty responsibilities and challenges. How can a man and a woman come together to reflect the divine mystery? What life should they lead to tell God’s love story through their love story? The truth is, we fall short more often than we would like to admit. Amidst the busyness and demands of married life, it is easy to lose track of the beautiful vision for marriage that the Bible presents. However, married couples need not endure this crucible alone. By seeking advice for newlyweds from other married Christians or Christian counselors who can meld psychology with faith-based principles, they can increase the likelihood that they will stay married and be able to weather the storms of life. Keep Christ centered in the marriage Hectic lives, careers, and responsibilities can make us feel like we have no time left to attend church or sleep. Keeping Christ in the marriage is the first step in a long-lasting relationship. Christ should be the foundation, the cornerstone, of your union. Without Jesus, your relationship will not have a solid rock to stand on when the storms of life rage. Learn to pray together daily. Consider starting a [...]

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Finding Rest When You Struggle with Moral OCD or Religious Scrupulosity

Finding Rest When You Struggle with Moral OCD or Religious Scrupulosity

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-03-10T10:48:32+00:00March 10th, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, OCD, Spiritual Development|

Am I enough? Am I doing enough? These questions can haunt you in your relationships, at work, when you’re out and about, and in the quieter moments during the night. Such questions can hit even harder when they concern your faith. What ought to be a refuge starts to feel like another cage. That is the case when a person struggles with moral OCD or religious scrupulosity. Your faith is supposed to help you draw nearer to the Lord, and it ought not be a burden or something that makes you feel distant from Him. Even if you struggle with religious scrupulosity, you may not recognize it, which might only add to your distress. It can help to understand what religious scrupulosity is, how it affects you, and how to reconnect with the Lord through a deeper, authentic faith. Religious Scrupulosity and Moral OCD Religious scrupulosity may be a new term that you haven’t heard in everyday conversation. However, if you pause and break them down, the meaning starts to become clear. to God or faith. When we say a person is scrupulous, it typically means that they are quite careful and thorough, with an extreme concern to avoid doing something wrong. Religious scrupulosity, then, is when a person is thorough, careful, and deeply concerned with getting things right when it comes to being moral or fulfilling religious obligations. A person with religious scrupulosity obsesses about moral correctness. They will often experience deep fears and doubts that they are not faithful enough to the Lord, that they are sinning, or that they are failing to meet their religious obligations in some way. One of the challenges of religious scrupulosity is that the individual feels like a failure despite their best and sincere efforts at practicing their faith. This condition [...]

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The Grieving Stages and When to Get Help

The Grieving Stages and When to Get Help

Dr. Huy Lam, Kate Motaung2026-03-03T04:39:54+00:00March 3rd, 2026|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

Grieving is a normal part of the healing process. Grief happens with any loss, not just the death of a loved one. Loss can result from an eviction, job loss, a breakup or divorce, or the loss of a dream or goal. Knowing the grieving stages can help you navigate the healing process and recognize when you might need some support. The Five Grieving Stages The grieving stages consist of five stages or phases that people may experience during loss. However, everyone experiences grief differently. One person may experience each stage in order as listed below. Another individual may only experience three of the five stages, or cycle back through the grieving stages. Unfortunately, some people can experience grief that interferes with their physical and emotional health, as well as their work and relationships. The following are the five stages of grief. Shock/Denial You have trouble believing that the loss has occurred. Maybe you don’t want to think that your spouse cheated, or that your loved one passed away. You may know that an event has happened, but you are unable to process it. You walk around in a daze, managing arrangements or doing the bare minimum. Anger You have an anger boiling beneath the surface. You may show your anger or voice it to others. Everything seems tainted through this lens. You want your spouse to know how angry you are with them for leaving. You feel angry at a loved one for passing away or angry at hospice or another person. You can’t seem to control your angry outbursts, and if you can, you bottle them up until they manifest as bitterness and rage. Bargaining The bargaining stage has you questioning everything, possibly blaming yourself for the actions of others, or wallowing in regret. You might think, [...]

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Using Biblical Wisdom to Break the Cycle of Negative Thinking

Using Biblical Wisdom to Break the Cycle of Negative Thinking

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-02-18T13:57:24+00:00February 18th, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

We all have a mind that talks to us. The brain uses it to replay experiences (via thoughts that pop up as we go about our day), to help us make decisions, and to guide future choices. These thoughts, however, are not always accurate or true. At times we can fall into a cycle of negative thinking. In the space between stimulus (what happens) and how we respond, lies our freedom to choose. – Stephen R. Cove Due to a survival-based trait known as negativity bias, the brain is wired to pay more attention to negative experiences and anything that could potentially be dangerous or pose a threat. As a result, negative thoughts tend to stick with us more firmly, and we may not even notice the many positive things in our surroundings. Examples of Negative Thinking Ruminating You get stuck in an unproductive loop of negative thoughts and feelings about past distressing experiences, mistakes, or events, and keep replaying the details repeatedly in your mind Overgeneralization You assume that because something happened one way, it will always happen that way. So, for instance, a negative experience in one situation is an indicator of a never-ending pattern of defeat. Mental filtering You discount the good in a situation and see only the bad. You may, for instance, feel as though your accomplishments don’t count, or focus on a negative detail of something instead of a realistic appraisal of the whole. All or nothing thinking You see everything in extremes of black or white, or good or bad, with no middle ground. One mistake, for instance, can lead you to believe that you are a complete failure. Jumping to conclusions You think you know what the outcome of things will be and are quick to jump to conclusions, interpret situations, [...]

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The Hidden Trap of Codependency in Church Small Groups

The Hidden Trap of Codependency in Church Small Groups

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-02-12T06:09:16+00:00February 12th, 2026|Codependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Church was meant to be a place of healing and growth, but with the introduction of small groups, unhealthy codependent behavior patterns have been introduced to believers. In the confines of these small groups, there is a dynamic that can inadvertently foster patterns of codependency. Disguised as devotion and masked with good intentions, this trap lies hidden. Caring for others becomes a consuming need that fuels the desire to be needed. This creates a cycle of trying to fulfill that need and ultimately leads to exhaustion. The tension that develops between the biblical community and personal boundaries becomes a complicated dance in a struggle to know where serving ends and self-destruction begins. We were never meant to establish relationships where one person carries the burden and the other contributes nothing. However, in small groups, this imbalance shows up quite frequently and creates a facade about Christ-like love. Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks that he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. – Galatians 6:2-3, NASB Recognizing Codependent Behavior Patterns in Faith Communities The issue runs deeper than a simple people-pleasing mindset. Sometimes, church environments cause unconscious reward and codependent behavior by celebrating self-sacrifice. The underlying motives aren’t examined because members feel they must take part in everything the church does. Members often prioritize the needs of others above their own, and they fear conflict at all costs. They may even derive their sense of worth from being indispensable leaders. Small groups create an atmosphere that promotes vulnerability because of their intimate nature. Members share deep personal struggles, which creates opportunities for other individuals to become emotional rescuers. These rescuers feel as though they are needed and valuable, and others learn to rely on this consistent source of [...]

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Kate Motaung

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