Helping Children Fit Into a Blended Family

Blended families can be an adjustment, especially for children. Watching a parent remarry and then living with a new stepparent, and possibly their children, is a tough transition. Fitting into a blended family can feel impossible for a child.

It takes patience, grace, and some new routines to help children adapt to a blended family.

Tips for Helping Your Child Fit into a Blended Family

The wedding and moving in of a new stepparent (and stepsiblings) can leave a child reeling. A blended family can take on many forms, but often includes a mother or father (who has a child or children) marrying another person, who may or may not have children of their own. Two families become one on the wedding day on paper, but the reality is that the adjustment can take much longer.

Learning to overlook personality clashes, establish new rules, and form bonds will take time and patience. Be willing to do the work. It will be worth it in the end.

Try to work with the ex

Although your ex is probably the ex for a reason, if you can work together for the sake of your child, everyone will be better off. Whether the ex is your ex-spouse or your new partner’s ex, learning to coexist and work around schedules will help. If the ex is amenable, try to establish similar rules to keep the children in sync. For example, have a similar bedtime throughout the week for the children.

Get on the same page with the new spouse

If you are not on the same page with your new spouse, all your effort will feel like blowing into the wind. Discuss matters before they come up, such as discipline, punishments, rewards, rules, and boundaries. Children of different ages require different responsibilities and rules. If your new spouse has children, then each of the children must adhere to the new family rules and boundaries.

Create new traditions

Before you became a blended family, you probably had your own set of traditions. For example, maybe you and your only child went out to the movies and for pizza every Friday night. Now that you are a blended family, it may not be economically feasible to take your child and stepchildren to a movie night.

Create a new tradition. Perhaps schedule a movie or game night at home on Friday nights with homemade or frozen pizza. Talk to your family about traditions that would make them feel more at home.

Establish routines

Children need structure and routine to thrive. Establish routines to ensure that your child feels secure and anchored in the family. These routines will be new, but children tend to adapt quickly when their schedules are consistent.

For example, during the school week, the children in your household should know what to expect in how they will get to and from school, what happens after school, who can help them with homework, and what time is bedtime.

Look at it from your child’s viewpoint

It’s easy to get wrapped up in a wedding and the adult responsibilities of a blended family. Try to look at it from your child’s point of view. Perhaps it has only been you and your child for a long time, and now a new adult is joining the family and taking over the parenting role. Or your children feel off balance because they now have to share you with a step-sibling.

Children can withdraw or lash out with major life changes. Be patient and talk with your child about how they feel, ensuring them that your love for them will never change.

Spend quality time with each child

Make each child feel special by spending quality time individually. Have a special “thing” that the two of you like to do. For example, maybe you and your stepdaughter could go once a week for ice cream after her dance practice, you could take your son on a fishing adventure once a month, or invite your stepchild to work with you on projects. Combine your interests to make an outing unique.

Christian Family Counseling in Rowlett, Texas

If becoming a blended family is causing friction in your home, your children are not adjusting well, or the drama is creating problems in your marriage, reach out to us at Texas Christian Counseling, Rowlett today. We can connect you to Christian counselors in Rowlett, Texas specializing in family and marriage issues. You can make your blended family strong and loving with the right help. Call us today to get started.