Kate Motaung, Rowlett Christian Counseling

About Kate Motaung

Kate Motaung is the Senior Writer, Editor, and Content Manager for a multi-state company. She is the author of several books including Letters to Grief, 101 Prayers for Comfort in Difficult Times, and A Place to Land: A Story of Longing and Belonging. Kate is also the host of Five Minute Friday, an online writing community that equips and encourages Christian writers, and the owner of Refine Services, a company that offers editing services. She and her South African husband have three young adult children and currently live in West Michigan. Find Kate’s books at katemotaung.com/books.

Using Biblical Wisdom to Break the Cycle of Negative Thinking

Using Biblical Wisdom to Break the Cycle of Negative Thinking

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-02-18T13:57:24+00:00February 18th, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

We all have a mind that talks to us. The brain uses it to replay experiences (via thoughts that pop up as we go about our day), to help us make decisions, and to guide future choices. These thoughts, however, are not always accurate or true. At times we can fall into a cycle of negative thinking. In the space between stimulus (what happens) and how we respond, lies our freedom to choose. – Stephen R. Cove Due to a survival-based trait known as negativity bias, the brain is wired to pay more attention to negative experiences and anything that could potentially be dangerous or pose a threat. As a result, negative thoughts tend to stick with us more firmly, and we may not even notice the many positive things in our surroundings. Examples of Negative Thinking Ruminating You get stuck in an unproductive loop of negative thoughts and feelings about past distressing experiences, mistakes, or events, and keep replaying the details repeatedly in your mind Overgeneralization You assume that because something happened one way, it will always happen that way. So, for instance, a negative experience in one situation is an indicator of a never-ending pattern of defeat. Mental filtering You discount the good in a situation and see only the bad. You may, for instance, feel as though your accomplishments don’t count, or focus on a negative detail of something instead of a realistic appraisal of the whole. All or nothing thinking You see everything in extremes of black or white, or good or bad, with no middle ground. One mistake, for instance, can lead you to believe that you are a complete failure. Jumping to conclusions You think you know what the outcome of things will be and are quick to jump to conclusions, interpret situations, [...]

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The Hidden Trap of Codependency in Church Small Groups

The Hidden Trap of Codependency in Church Small Groups

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-02-12T06:09:16+00:00February 12th, 2026|Codependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Church was meant to be a place of healing and growth, but with the introduction of small groups, unhealthy codependent behavior patterns have been introduced to believers. In the confines of these small groups, there is a dynamic that can inadvertently foster patterns of codependency. Disguised as devotion and masked with good intentions, this trap lies hidden. Caring for others becomes a consuming need that fuels the desire to be needed. This creates a cycle of trying to fulfill that need and ultimately leads to exhaustion. The tension that develops between the biblical community and personal boundaries becomes a complicated dance in a struggle to know where serving ends and self-destruction begins. We were never meant to establish relationships where one person carries the burden and the other contributes nothing. However, in small groups, this imbalance shows up quite frequently and creates a facade about Christ-like love. Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks that he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. – Galatians 6:2-3, NASB Recognizing Codependent Behavior Patterns in Faith Communities The issue runs deeper than a simple people-pleasing mindset. Sometimes, church environments cause unconscious reward and codependent behavior by celebrating self-sacrifice. The underlying motives aren’t examined because members feel they must take part in everything the church does. Members often prioritize the needs of others above their own, and they fear conflict at all costs. They may even derive their sense of worth from being indispensable leaders. Small groups create an atmosphere that promotes vulnerability because of their intimate nature. Members share deep personal struggles, which creates opportunities for other individuals to become emotional rescuers. These rescuers feel as though they are needed and valuable, and others learn to rely on this consistent source of [...]

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How to Forgive: Dealing with Toxic and Dysfunctional Family Members

How to Forgive: Dealing with Toxic and Dysfunctional Family Members

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-01-03T06:23:09+00:00January 5th, 2026|Family Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

There aren’t any relationships quite like the relationship you have with your family. You can have “found family,” the people you gather around yourself as you make your way through life, and those relationships can be influential and life-changing. Your family, however, is that group of people you didn’t choose to be connected to, and maybe you wouldn’t ever pick them if you had the opportunity. However, it came about, family is a tie that binds. Putting it like that almost makes it seem as though families are more trouble than they’re worth, and more likely to be troublesome than not. Families are the first community we find ourselves part of, and they can be an amazing community of nurture and learning. These communities, like any other community, can be beautiful, but they can also be dysfunctional. What do you do when your family is toxic or dysfunctional? Various Ways Families May Be Dysfunctional When one or more people come together for a common cause, the door is open to issues such as unbalanced power dynamics, unhealthy communication, conflict, and personality clashes. There are different ways for a family to be dysfunctional, and each family can manifest dysfunction in its own unique way. Some common patterns of dysfunction in families include the following: Emotional dysfunction This includes issues such as emotional abuse, neglect, and placing unrealistic expectations upon family members. Abuse can take the form of belittling humor, emotional manipulation, and verbal aggression. Ignoring or being dismissive of family members’ needs is emotional neglect. Families are also spaces where excessive pressure to succeed is often placed on people. Communication breakdown Communication is the lifeblood of a relationship, and there are various ways it can break down. Dysfunction might take the form of passive-aggressive behavior, being overly critical of one [...]

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5 Ways to Increase Teamwork in Marriage

5 Ways to Increase Teamwork in Marriage

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2025-11-22T07:38:57+00:00November 24th, 2025|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Marriage requires teamwork. When a couple drifts apart due to conflict, differences in personality, or general busyness, it can become easier for them to become more individualistic in their marriage. The couple must work toward becoming a team to deal with whatever life throws at them. This also helps reduce the amount of conflict and the instances of divorce. Teamwork in marriage can be easier said than done. When personalities clash or two spouses are strong leadership types, it can be difficult for them to embrace teamwork. However, there are ways to increase teamwork in marriage that will celebrate their differences and embrace each other’s traits to create a strong partnership in the present and future. 5 Ways to Increase Teamwork in Marriage Here are five ways to increase teamwork in marriage: Pray One of the primary activities a Christian couple should do is pray together regularly. Even if a couple has not been used to praying with each other regularly, there’s no time like the present. In prayer, a couple can bring requests, struggles, and difficulties to God. Prayer promotes intimacy and trust in both parties as they pray for each other. When a couple acknowledges God as the Lord of their marriage, it increases the likelihood of success. God wants couples to be happy in their marriage and embrace their different roles. Although Ephesians 5 talks about the husband being the head and the woman being submissive, it also talks about the importance of submitting to Christ. When both parties submit to Christ and yield their lives to his will, they will embrace teamwork and become more united as a team. Submission is a vital element for both parties to adopt in marriage. The husband sacrificially loves the wife, the wife submits to the husband, and both submit [...]

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Signs of Marital Problems and How to Address Them

Signs of Marital Problems and How to Address Them

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2025-10-09T06:01:01+00:00October 9th, 2025|Couples Counseling, Featured, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

There is a story of a man named Hiroo Onoda, a Japanese second lieutenant in the Imperial Japanese Army, who didn’t know that World War 2 was over. For almost three decades after the war ended, Onoda, who was stationed on Lubang Island in the Philippines, remained in his post, convinced that the war was still ongoing. He only left the island in March 1974 when his former commanding officer was flown in to facilitate Onoda’s surrender. One of the many remarkable things about this story is how the world was changing rapidly around Onoda, but he didn’t have a clue about it. Seismic changes can occur in one’s life, and it’s not always obvious to you, even though other people around you can see what’s happening. This can occur in marriage; you may have problems, but end up missing the signs that things aren’t as they should be. Different Types of Marital Problems Marital problems take various forms, and they can flow from different aspects of a relationship. Some of the more common types of marital problems that couples encounter include communication issues, a lack of intimacy or emotional disconnection, unresolved conflicts that lead to resentment and anger, financial issues, and unequal distribution of responsibilities and household chores. Marriages may also face trust issues and difficulty trusting one another due to past behaviors such as infidelity. There may also be personal differences, conflicting values, interests, or lifestyle choices that cause friction between the spouses. Lastly, there may also be unaddressed mental health issues that may be affecting the relationship and the dynamics between the couple. While these and other kinds of issues may be present in a relationship, the couple may not see these issues for what they are. That happens for a variety of reasons. How and [...]

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7 Signs of Unresolved Trauma in Men

7 Signs of Unresolved Trauma in Men

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2025-09-02T09:56:37+00:00September 2nd, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Trauma|

The vast majority of people will have to navigate trauma at some point in their lives, if not in themselves, then with their loved ones. Unresolved trauma lies unseen in a person, usually only becoming apparent in our adult lives as we enter serious relationships. Trauma manifests uniquely in everyone. However, some common signs of trauma can be specific to gender. Whether it is in the way they handle their emotions or in the way that they have been affected by toxic masculinity, unresolved trauma is often at the root of behavioral problems that affect and damage men’s relationships. If we want to have healthy and intimate relationships, we might have to begin addressing the unresolved trauma in our lives. Old Wounds Some traumas are ongoing and complex, causing much damage and leaving noticeable marks on a person. However, some events barely even register as traumatic. It is only later in life, when issues pop up, that we might realize we were deeply affected by trauma. The common saying that ‘time heals all wounds’ is untrue; all that time does is cover the memory of the trauma. When a person experiences trauma, especially if it is ongoing trauma, they build beliefs around the traumatic events. For example, a child who is frequently left alone or ignored will begin to believe that they are unworthy of anyone’s attention and care. When a person doesn’t quite understand why they are being treated a certain way, they tend to fill in the blanks. Sometimes they do this in the most hurtful of ways, coming to the bleakest conclusions about themselves. Seven Signs of Unresolved Trauma in Men When you peel back the layers, at the core of any trauma is the feeling of being unsafe. Men and boys in America are conditioned and [...]

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Love and Boundaries: Resetting Relationships in Real Time

Love and Boundaries: Resetting Relationships in Real Time

Kate Motaung2025-05-29T09:03:20+00:00May 29th, 2025|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Boundaries are the limits that mark our responsibility in relationships, to others and for ourselves. They serve to protect our hearts, our most important asset. When we govern the core of our being well, it frees us from the destructive potential of damaging emotions and relationships. Scripture encourages us to guard our hearts, recognizing that every issue pertaining to life flows through this critical filter. The Bible on Boundaries Unquestionably, we are called to love, as it is our Father's nature. Loving God involves reciprocity. We return that love by sharing it with others. We receive His love for ourselves. That aspect of welcoming His compassion to love ourselves has not always been part of faith conversations. Yet, what causes us to excel with loving others well is the degree to which we allow the Father's love to fill us, so we can effectively pour His grace and glory. Loving ourselves well means that we acknowledge the treasure within, even as we esteem it in others. Boundaries in Action Jesus exemplified the value of boundaries. There were multitudes who followed Him, observing miracles, receiving the benefit of His mission on the earth. There were many others that He dispatched to share the message of the gospel. Whittle that down to a smaller number of followers, and you will encounter the women who supported His ministry, and His disciples. Further distilled, Peter, James, and John were in the core that He drew into closer fellowship. This picture of narrowed access and engagement reveals that even the Savior recognized the need to distinguish certain relationships. He loved everybody and came to save all, but He also exercised boundaries. He assigned position and proximity, based on the relevance to the assignment from His Father. Mind and Communicate Your Boundaries Sometimes, what flows through [...]

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How to Avoid Occupational Burnout

How to Avoid Occupational Burnout

Kate Motaung2025-10-31T12:35:03+00:00April 21st, 2025|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Professional Development|

Your work, whatever it may be, matters for many reasons. Through the work you do, you provide goods and services that make other’s lives better. Your work is also an outlet for you to use the many talents and gifts the Lord has given you to serve others. Also, your work provides you with legal means to take care of yourself and your family and to be generous toward others in need (Ephesians 4:28). However, it can also be the cause of occupational burnout. Work occupies a significant portion of the average American’s life. Often, work may even threaten to spill over and take time away from family and other pursuits. It can be even harder to separate work from the rest of your life if you work from home or have a flexible schedule. One common and unfortunate occurrence connected to work is when a person experiences occupational burnout. What is occupational burnout? The word “burnout” brings to mind a match that’s fizzled out and smoking. It’s still slightly hot to the touch, but it doesn’t possess the brilliance and heat it possessed before. When a person is burned out, they’re no longer as incandescent as they used to be, not as energetic, creative, or vibrant. They don’t enjoy their work as much as they used to, and it might even feel like a burden. While people in all kinds of professions can be at risk of occupational burnout, certain professions could be exposed to greater risk. These would include people in the helping professions such as doctors, nurses, firemen, paramedics, police officers, counselors and social workers, non-profit and charity workers, teachers and educators, customer service representatives, and tech professionals. When a person experiences burnout, they feel emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted and overwhelmed because of their work. [...]

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The Importance of Self Reflection for Your Well Being

The Importance of Self Reflection for Your Well Being

Kate Motaung2025-04-08T16:34:31+00:00December 30th, 2024|Featured, Personal Development, Professional Development, Relationship Issues|

The philosopher Socrates is credited with having said that, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” By this, he meant that people have the capacity to think about the meaning and purpose of their lives, and doing this enables us to experience our lives and our humanity fully. We can use our minds to examine our lives, ask important questions, and try to discover the meaning of our existence in ways that other creatures in God’s creation cannot. There is a lot to be gained from taking the time and creating the space to reflect on your own life. Sometimes, we can become so caught up in doing activities that we fail to pause and ask ourselves what we are doing and why. Getting to the heart of these questions can be a huge help in our lives because it’ll support good mental and emotional health. At Rowlett Christian Counseling, we provide a safe and supportive environment to help you slow down, reflect, and reconnect with what truly matters. The Importance of Self-Reflection Life can just happen to us, barreling down at us at a hundred miles an hour. Our lives are busy, filled with meetings, phone calls, text messages, chores, conversations, and so much more. It’s possible to move from one thing to the next without really pausing to breath or to ask yourself important questions like, “Why am I doing this?” This is the reason why taking time to self-reflect is so important. If you don’t take the time to self-reflect, it can be easy to move through your life without thinking too much about it, and without ever pausing to see if what you’re doing is actually working well. When you take the time to self-reflect, it creates space for you to move beyond simply experiencing [...]

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Divine Desires: Strategies for Singles to Dethrone Shame

Divine Desires: Strategies for Singles to Dethrone Shame

Kate Motaung2025-04-08T16:49:37+00:00November 29th, 2024|Featured, Personal Development, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Movies, media, and memes have jested about the plight of the single protagonist left to the mercy of prying, though well-meaning family. Whether seated around the holiday table or enjoying a barbecue with friends and family, unmarried relatives are targeted, cornered, and interrogated. In a society that glorifies couples, tension surfaces when others offer unsolicited opinions about our romantic life as singles. Our holistic needs and concerns seem minimized in relation to those of our married counterparts. For those of us whose single life has been imposed by spousal death or divorce, extended due to education, career, or not yet finding a match, those feelings of exclusion also creep from culture into the churches where we fellowship. At Rowlett Christian Counseling, we recognize the unique experiences and emotional needs of singles and offer compassionate support to help you navigate this season with hope and purpose. Our leaders may mean well, but they may not have experienced widowhood, divorce, or an extended period of singleness. They may lack empathy, insight, or feel insufficiently equipped to teach or offer programming that addresses singles’ raw needs. Outreach and events for a variety of subgroups get spotlighted, but singles are seated at the “kid’s table” of ministry, often lumped with those whose demographics and needs may vastly differ. Between later marriages and climbing divorce rates, unmarried believers comprise a significant portion of our congregations, but ministry has not necessarily adapted with the change. The church has room to grow in how it engages, disciples, and serves singles as valued and integral parts of the body of Christ. Dueling Desires For singles, navigating desire is at the core of many external and internal conversations, whether public or private, secular, or spiritual. Enter the contrasting narratives. The world clamors endlessly about sex, but by contrast, [...]

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Kate Motaung

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