Individual Counseling Archives | Rowlett Christian Counseling

Can You Heal from Church Trauma?

Can You Heal from Church Trauma?

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-09-01T06:47:50+00:00September 1st, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development, Trauma|

One of the greatest betrayals is when someone who is supposed to be universally and inherently on your side causes you harm. This type of double-cross has caused great damage throughout history. Look at the way Judas betrayed Christ, or how children of abusive parents grow up with a lion’s share of trauma they must deal with. People still experience this today, even in settings like the church. Different Types of Trauma This harmful betrayal is not confined to biblical times or hidden behind closed doors. It can also happen in the larger Christian church body. The church is supposed to be a holy place, filled with Christ-followers. And while this is the ideal and is the case in many healthy congregations, it’s not universally true. The reality is that the church is a place filled with fallible people, often trying their best. Sometimes they make mistakes. Sometimes they inadvertently hurt each other. And sometimes the church has been infiltrated with sinister people who use the name of Christ to give them authority to do hurtful things. Abuse in the Church Some church trauma goes beyond the hurtful to abuse, and in some extreme cases, it’s also criminal. Sexual assault, grooming, spiritual coercion, and the misuse of power by leaders who hide behind their position are all serious violations. These violations can happen even in a church context. When things like this happen in the church, the damage is tied to a spiritual context. There is something uniquely disorienting about being harmed in a place that is supposed to be a holy refuge. When a leader uses Scripture and the name of God to manipulate and abuse you, it not only affects you emotionally and mentally but can cause significant spiritual damage as well. Abuse is never justified, even [...]

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Understanding Toxic Masculinity and the Need for Christian Based Counseling

Understanding Toxic Masculinity and the Need for Christian Based Counseling

Cyndi Kay Green2026-08-29T06:56:45+00:00August 29th, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling|

Toxic masculinity is deeply rooted in the roles that have been traditional for men to follow. It is an extreme idea of what it means to be manly. It is consumed with domination and aggression. This behavior is not only harmful to others, but it can also have mental health effects on men. This toxic behavior can have serious repercussions. Christian based counseling can help identify the behaviors and help treat toxic masculinity. But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. – 1 Corinthians 11:3, NIV What Is Toxic Masculinity? Throughout the years the definition of toxic masculinity has changed. Toxic masculinity can be defined as aspects of exaggerated masculinity characteristics that are antisocial and harmful, and foster domination, violence, and devaluation. These traits are often associated with a negative impact on men, women, and society in general. This mentality, or thought process, goes beyond the typical tough-guy behavior. Toxic masculinity doesn’t refer to all the behaviors of masculinity. It concentrates on those behaviors that are related to harmful and derogatory behaviors, typically those associated with sexual dominance or violence. It is vital to note that masculinity is not bad or toxic, it is the potentially harmful standards that have been set for men. Men who participate in individual counseling can overcome toxic masculinity and enjoy a well-balanced lifestyle. What Are the Most Common Traits Connected To Toxic Masculinity? The traits that are associated with toxic masculinity are those that are opposite from the positive masculinity that is traditionally connected to manhood. Positive traits are those that foster loving and caring for others and defend moral truths, which are the opposite of the following traits of toxic masculinity. [...]

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Strangely Specific Signs of Social Anxiety

Strangely Specific Signs of Social Anxiety

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-08-27T10:31:29+00:00August 10th, 2026|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Relationship Issues|

There comes a time in everyone’s life when they must confront the thing that makes them most anxious. This might be traveling by airplane, having to address a room of hundreds of people, or, for those with social anxiety, it might be something as simple as answering the phone. The signs of social anxiety can be so unexpected that it’s easy to be dismissive of someone’s struggle. People with social anxiety frequently think of themselves as introverted or even quirky because they haven’t found a sufficient explanation for their anxieties. Whatever is happening beneath the surface, it is something that can be resolved. It may feel debilitating now, but it doesn’t have to stay that way. Imperfect Comparisons How often do we look at our peers and marvel at their confidence, tenacity, or success? We might envy their communication skills or their ability to hold the attention of the entire room when they speak. We can’t see their anxiety each time they speak, or the long road they have taken to find success. It’s fine to compare ourselves to others if it inspires us to improve certain things. However, comparison so often makes us feel worse about ourselves, even when we can’t see things like hidden social anxiety. Outwardly, a person might not display any signs of social anxiety, but just because we cannot see it does not mean it isn’t there. Perhaps they spent decades confronting their fears before they reached the point where they could confidently communicate with crowds. It’s not a bad idea to aspire to have someone else’s levels of confidence or communication skills. Keep in mind, though, that people are like icebergs; only a small part of them is visible. Filling in the Gaps Our brains have a wonderful ability to fill in the [...]

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Habits That Make Loneliness and Depression Worse

Habits That Make Loneliness and Depression Worse

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-07-18T05:00:57+00:00July 20th, 2026|Depression, Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, Women’s Issues|

It’s perfectly normal to sometimes feel alone, vulnerable, and in need of connection, support, and validation. Many people go through seasons of feeling this way until their situation changes, and they find the help they need. However, others seem to live their lives in a constant state of loneliness and depression, forever frustrated that they can’t seem to connect with anybody, and clueless as to how to change. Loneliness is not about being alone as much as it’s about feeling unseen and as if you don’t matter. This might have started in childhood, when your needs and wants were dismissed or overlooked by someone who should have been nurturing and loving you. It might be the result of recent trauma that has left you feeling as if you no longer know how to participate in society. Regardless of the root cause, you have likely picked up habits over the years that have contributed to your feelings of loneliness and depression. You are not forever stuck in this situation, but there is work to do if you are going to get out of it. When Loneliness and Depression Leave You Feeling Invisible If you are dealing with loneliness and depression, you might feel as if you are a ghost. It is as if people see through you and as if you make no real impression on anyone around you. This is an awful feeling that you can never get used to, no matter how many years you have experienced it, and you should never have to. People are made for connection, friendships, relationships, and interdependence. Life is supposed to be complicated and sometimes messy, busy, challenging, and comforting. We are meant to have our hearts broken and then mended, to have love and to give it, to provide support to [...]

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The Drive to Stay Busy: A Sign of Feeling Anxious About Being Alone With Your Thoughts?

The Drive to Stay Busy: A Sign of Feeling Anxious About Being Alone With Your Thoughts?

Grace Mavindidze2026-06-30T05:34:03+00:00June 30th, 2026|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Some people feel anxious when things go wrong. Others feel anxious when things go quiet. If you’re someone who fills every gap in your day with tasks, errands, or distractions, it’s worth asking why. Think about the last time you had nothing to do. Did you relax, or did you reach for something to fill the space? If the idea of being alone with your thoughts makes you uneasy, staying busy might be your way of coping. Feeling anxious about what might surface when you’re alone with your thoughts is more common than people admit, and it’s one reason the hustle never stops. Why This Pattern Becomes a Problem Filling every hour with tasks may seem harmless enough, but it’s not if it keeps you from processing emotions that need attention. When you avoid quiet reflection, you miss the chance to understand what’s driving your stress. Instead of finding peace, you train yourself to depend on activity as a shield. Over time, this habit can leave you drained, disconnected from yourself, and unsure why you’re restless even when everything looks productive on the outside. Signs that your busyness is covering up anxiety You feel uneasy when there’s nothing scheduled, so you quickly add something to do. You keep multitasking even when one task would be enough. You struggle to relax without checking your phone or planning the next step. You avoid sitting alone because it makes you feel anxious about what you might think or feel. Such reactions may not just be your quirks, but could be signals that constant activity is being used as a coping mechanism. When you’re constantly busy, it doesn’t only affect you. It changes how you connect with others. You may find yourself distracted in conversations, rushing through interactions, or feeling guilty when you’re [...]

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6 Tips for Recovering from Codependency

6 Tips for Recovering from Codependency

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-05-13T06:28:45+00:00May 13th, 2026|Codependency, Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues|

One of the most challenging things to do is to break or form a new habit because the patterns we’re already used to feel familiar, even when they aren’t helpful to us. Learning new patterns means stepping out of our comfort zone and into what might be a steep learning curve. Recovering from codependency can be understood as breaking away from a particular set of unhealthy relationship habits and moving toward emotional and mental well-being. The Need for Recovery from Codependency It takes time for a person to recover from codependency. It’s a gradual process that requires growing one’s self-awareness, finding emotional healing, and learning how to set healthy boundaries. Before we can do that, though, it’s helpful to understand what codependency is and why there’s a need to recover from it. Codependency is a term that refers to a pattern of behavior where a person’s sense of self-worth and emotional well-being are tied to, or heavily dependent upon, the needs, approval, or behaviors of others. The codependent person will often do this at their own expense, damaging their well-being and even their own sense of identity. This highlights just a few of the reasons why recovery from codependency is necessary. Constantly prioritizing others and their needs can leave a person uncertain of what they want or who they are. That loss of self-identity can be quite damaging for your well-being, because without a strong sense of self, it’s hard to make decisions, emotionally regulate yourself, and remain stable. Codependency can often keep people stuck in unhealthy relationships. These relationships can range from being imbalanced to being outright toxic. Still, the codependent individual will stay in such relationships, to their detriment. By spending an inordinate amount of time and energy on others’ needs, personal growth and well-being are stunted. [...]

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Finding Rest When You Struggle with Moral OCD or Religious Scrupulosity

Finding Rest When You Struggle with Moral OCD or Religious Scrupulosity

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-03-10T10:48:32+00:00March 10th, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Men’s Issues, OCD, Spiritual Development|

Am I enough? Am I doing enough? These questions can haunt you in your relationships, at work, when you’re out and about, and in the quieter moments during the night. Such questions can hit even harder when they concern your faith. What ought to be a refuge starts to feel like another cage. That is the case when a person struggles with moral OCD or religious scrupulosity. Your faith is supposed to help you draw nearer to the Lord, and it ought not be a burden or something that makes you feel distant from Him. Even if you struggle with religious scrupulosity, you may not recognize it, which might only add to your distress. It can help to understand what religious scrupulosity is, how it affects you, and how to reconnect with the Lord through a deeper, authentic faith. Religious Scrupulosity and Moral OCD Religious scrupulosity may be a new term that you haven’t heard in everyday conversation. However, if you pause and break them down, the meaning starts to become clear. to God or faith. When we say a person is scrupulous, it typically means that they are quite careful and thorough, with an extreme concern to avoid doing something wrong. Religious scrupulosity, then, is when a person is thorough, careful, and deeply concerned with getting things right when it comes to being moral or fulfilling religious obligations. A person with religious scrupulosity obsesses about moral correctness. They will often experience deep fears and doubts that they are not faithful enough to the Lord, that they are sinning, or that they are failing to meet their religious obligations in some way. One of the challenges of religious scrupulosity is that the individual feels like a failure despite their best and sincere efforts at practicing their faith. This condition [...]

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The Grieving Stages and When to Get Help

The Grieving Stages and When to Get Help

Dr. Huy Lam, Kate Motaung2026-03-03T04:39:54+00:00March 3rd, 2026|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

Grieving is a normal part of the healing process. Grief happens with any loss, not just the death of a loved one. Loss can result from an eviction, job loss, a breakup or divorce, or the loss of a dream or goal. Knowing the grieving stages can help you navigate the healing process and recognize when you might need some support. The Five Grieving Stages The grieving stages consist of five stages or phases that people may experience during loss. However, everyone experiences grief differently. One person may experience each stage in order as listed below. Another individual may only experience three of the five stages, or cycle back through the grieving stages. Unfortunately, some people can experience grief that interferes with their physical and emotional health, as well as their work and relationships. The following are the five stages of grief. Shock/Denial You have trouble believing that the loss has occurred. Maybe you don’t want to think that your spouse cheated, or that your loved one passed away. You may know that an event has happened, but you are unable to process it. You walk around in a daze, managing arrangements or doing the bare minimum. Anger You have an anger boiling beneath the surface. You may show your anger or voice it to others. Everything seems tainted through this lens. You want your spouse to know how angry you are with them for leaving. You feel angry at a loved one for passing away or angry at hospice or another person. You can’t seem to control your angry outbursts, and if you can, you bottle them up until they manifest as bitterness and rage. Bargaining The bargaining stage has you questioning everything, possibly blaming yourself for the actions of others, or wallowing in regret. You might think, [...]

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Using Biblical Wisdom to Break the Cycle of Negative Thinking

Using Biblical Wisdom to Break the Cycle of Negative Thinking

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-02-18T13:57:24+00:00February 18th, 2026|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

We all have a mind that talks to us. The brain uses it to replay experiences (via thoughts that pop up as we go about our day), to help us make decisions, and to guide future choices. These thoughts, however, are not always accurate or true. At times we can fall into a cycle of negative thinking. In the space between stimulus (what happens) and how we respond, lies our freedom to choose. – Stephen R. Cove Due to a survival-based trait known as negativity bias, the brain is wired to pay more attention to negative experiences and anything that could potentially be dangerous or pose a threat. As a result, negative thoughts tend to stick with us more firmly, and we may not even notice the many positive things in our surroundings. Examples of Negative Thinking Ruminating You get stuck in an unproductive loop of negative thoughts and feelings about past distressing experiences, mistakes, or events, and keep replaying the details repeatedly in your mind Overgeneralization You assume that because something happened one way, it will always happen that way. So, for instance, a negative experience in one situation is an indicator of a never-ending pattern of defeat. Mental filtering You discount the good in a situation and see only the bad. You may, for instance, feel as though your accomplishments don’t count, or focus on a negative detail of something instead of a realistic appraisal of the whole. All or nothing thinking You see everything in extremes of black or white, or good or bad, with no middle ground. One mistake, for instance, can lead you to believe that you are a complete failure. Jumping to conclusions You think you know what the outcome of things will be and are quick to jump to conclusions, interpret situations, [...]

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The Hidden Trap of Codependency in Church Small Groups

The Hidden Trap of Codependency in Church Small Groups

Joseph Bennett, Kate Motaung2026-02-12T06:09:16+00:00February 12th, 2026|Codependency, Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Spiritual Development|

Church was meant to be a place of healing and growth, but with the introduction of small groups, unhealthy codependent behavior patterns have been introduced to believers. In the confines of these small groups, there is a dynamic that can inadvertently foster patterns of codependency. Disguised as devotion and masked with good intentions, this trap lies hidden. Caring for others becomes a consuming need that fuels the desire to be needed. This creates a cycle of trying to fulfill that need and ultimately leads to exhaustion. The tension that develops between the biblical community and personal boundaries becomes a complicated dance in a struggle to know where serving ends and self-destruction begins. We were never meant to establish relationships where one person carries the burden and the other contributes nothing. However, in small groups, this imbalance shows up quite frequently and creates a facade about Christ-like love. Bear one another’s burdens, and thereby fulfill the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks that he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. – Galatians 6:2-3, NASB Recognizing Codependent Behavior Patterns in Faith Communities The issue runs deeper than a simple people-pleasing mindset. Sometimes, church environments cause unconscious reward and codependent behavior by celebrating self-sacrifice. The underlying motives aren’t examined because members feel they must take part in everything the church does. Members often prioritize the needs of others above their own, and they fear conflict at all costs. They may even derive their sense of worth from being indispensable leaders. Small groups create an atmosphere that promotes vulnerability because of their intimate nature. Members share deep personal struggles, which creates opportunities for other individuals to become emotional rescuers. These rescuers feel as though they are needed and valuable, and others learn to rely on this consistent source of [...]

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