Do you know someone who uses passive-aggressive tactics to manipulate others? There are several forms of passive-aggressive behavior, but the truth is that a deeper reason lies behind the deception and mean-spiritedness.
What is passive-aggressive behavior?
Passive-aggressive behavior is a common coping mechanism employed by many individuals. Unfortunately, it is not a direct way to communicate or resolve conflict. Often, these traits exacerbate the situation.
You have likely observed some of the following passive-aggressive behaviors.
Leaving Hateful Notes
The note in the break room telling people to clean up or else, or the note on your bathroom mirror reminding you that only slobs don’t clean the sink, are examples of passive-aggression. People with passive-aggressive behaviors applaud themselves for “telling” people off through notes.
Complaining to Others
Grumbling or complaining to others, but never to your face, is another tactic. They may make remarks to others, even angrily or bitterly, yet only smile at you or, at least, act indifferent.
Intentionally Messing Up Tasks so Others Have To Do Them
Sabotaging tasks or procrastinating for so long that you have no choice but to complete the work is a passive-aggressive ploy. It may be that they are angry with you or feel overwhelmed with the tasks, but instead of expressing their displeasure, they hide out or mess things up.
Giving Back-Handed Compliments
People with passive-aggressive behaviors are skilled at delivering backhanded compliments, which can be vaguely insulting. They may make sarcastic remarks and then laugh them off as a joke when you confront them about it.
Posting Pointed Social Media Posts Without Naming Names
Another tactic is posting rude or mean things on social media, almost sounding as if they are justifiably calling someone out. However, they never tag the person and may even block that person from seeing the post because deep down, they avoid confrontation and conflict.
What’s behind passive aggression?
There is always an underlying reason for passive-aggression. When people lash out at others, they are indirectly expressing their emotions. Whether they feel fear, anger, or anxiety, these behaviors allow them to cope. However, this can be viewed as a negative coping mechanism.
The following are a few reasons why people fall into a pattern of passive-aggressive behaviors.
They don’t know how to communicate
Sometimes, passive-aggressive behaviors are the result of abuse or trauma. Someone who was abused may be afraid to confront someone directly, so they turn to tactics they can keep hidden. They do not know how or are afraid to communicate effectively.
They dislike confrontation
They may do whatever they can to avoid confrontation. They use subtle methods to manipulate others. They want people to get an idea that something is wrong, but they don’t want to fight about it.
They want to control the situation
They feel helpless and out of control. Perhaps they are preparing to lose their job, can’t sleep at night, or feel overwhelmed with the children at home. They may use passive-aggressive tactics to gain a sense of control.
They feel slighted and angry
They feel slighted or angry and want revenge. They believe that a passive-aggressive act will justify a situation. They may assume that you know the thoughts in their head when they employ these behaviors.
Christian counseling can help
Managing someone with passive-aggressive tendencies can be emotionally draining. Christian counseling in Rowlett, Texas can help. You can learn strategies to remain calm, unbothered, and communicative with others. Call our office today at Texas Christian Counseling, Rowlett to schedule a session either in person or virtually.
Photo:
“Boardwalk”, Courtesy of Janek Valdsalu, Unsplash.com, CC0 License
Melissa Plantz: AuthorMelissa Plantz is a Christian author and freelance writer. She spent twenty years in the pharmacy industry and has specialized in faith, fitness, nutrition, geriatrics, and mental health since 2015. She writes from the beautiful Lake Marion area in S...
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