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What to Do When You Feel Insecure: Overcoming Insecurity

What to Do When You Feel Insecure: Overcoming Insecurity

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T11:22:50+00:00November 30th, 2023|Coaching, Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

Feeling insecure, self-doubt, and a lack of self-confidence can make life difficult. Sometimes, even after a significant success, a gnawing feeling undermines the sense of victory by instilling doubts about your accomplishment. You start to ask if you deserve it, whether you really are as good as the award you just received says you are, or if you really are loveable even though you’re with an amazing person who thinks the world of you. Feeling insecure can happen in any aspect of life – at work, in your relationships, or in social situations like at a party or family gathering. Being able to cope with and handle your insecurities well can help you enjoy your life and your successes more. What is insecurity and where does it come from? One way to think about insecurity is that it is a feeling that you are not good enough or that you are inadequate in a particular situation. Some of the causes of insecurity include: A recent and significant failure, rejection, or betrayal. Traumatic experiences like being bullied or body shamed that instilled negative beliefs about yourself. Experiences like abandonment and neglect can foster an insecure attachment style in relationships. Having critical parents or caregivers who undermined your confidence and set an impossible standard for you to achieve . Deep-seated perfectionism, which makes you unsure that you can ever do or be enough. Emotional dependence on or attachment to a person, then losing that relationship. General A person who experiences unpredictable upsets in daily life will tend to feel insecure about routine things. How insecurity affects you. One of the main things that insecurity does is it makes you uncertain. It will often produce anxiety in you about your goals, relationships, and ability to handle certain situations or problems. Your insecurity can [...]

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The Value of Really Good Female Friendships

The Value of Really Good Female Friendships

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T11:23:01+00:00November 22nd, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Relationship Issues, Women’s Issues|

Often, when women are depicted in movies, TV shows, or other forms of media, they are shown as being in some form of rivalry with one another, usually for some sense of superiority over others or the attention of men. Even the mother-daughter relationship can become a site of struggle. It is rare to see female friendships portrayed in a favorable light. These portrayals skew one’s perceptions of women, despite the fact that they may sometimes reflect reality. Women, as much as men, are subject to the brokenness of this world and the many unhealthy behaviors that characterize human interactions. Thankfully, alongside these toxic representations of women are more wholesome depictions of relationships among women, and these also reflect reality. To be sure, our world is filled with beautiful things, but it also has hard edges and ugliness in it. This relates to our relationships, the various situations we encounter, and our experiences. Understanding and commending the value of female friendships can help women pursue not only a healthier self-understanding but healthier relationships. While toxic behavior is often promoted by being given time on our airwaves and newsfeeds, good female friendships need to be celebrated and given the spotlight. Everyone needs friends. Doing life solo is hard. The rugged individual needs community and a sense of belonging to function well. This is true when things are going well, and it is all the all the more true in difficult times. In seasons of hardship, having a network of support makes an enormous difference in how one copes. The God who created the universe and everything in it is deeply relational; one passage of Scripture says, “God is love” (1 John 4:16, NIV). God made us in His image (Genesis 1: 26-27), so it’s not surprising that we are deeply [...]

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How Turning to God Can Help with Emotional Eating

How Turning to God Can Help with Emotional Eating

Melissa Plantz2024-09-27T10:54:44+00:00September 21st, 2023|Eating Disorders, Featured, Individual Counseling|

We all crave something. For some people, it is fame and acknowledgment. For others, it is money and material possessions. Still, other people find that they crave food to fill them through emotional eating. But at the root of these wants, these cravings are a deep need only God can satisfy. Emotional eating is turning to food for comfort when we feel overwhelming emotions. We desperately want to drown out these feelings and thoughts, so we eat foods that give us temporary pleasure. Our brain recognizes that when we consume specific foods like simple carbs and sugar, we do it to relax. In response, the brain’s reward system floods us with chemicals that do just that – help us relax and feel good. But emotional eating cannot replace God in our hearts, nor can it bury unresolved hurts for long without consequences. The hole in your heart needs to be filled by God, not by food. In the Bible, God warns us about overeating. There are several passages about the sin of gluttony, or uncontrollable eating. The Book of Proverbs also points out how overeating something sweet that God gave us to enjoy can make us ill. “If you find honey, eat just enough – too much of it, and you will vomit.” (Proverbs 25:16, NIV). How sweet are your words to my taste, sweeter than honey to my mouth! – Psalm 119:103, NIV The writer of Psalm 119 recognizes that honey is a good food as he refers to Scripture as honey, but he also knows that overeating for any reason can make a person sick. What hole in your heart are you trying to fill with food? We often eat to avoid feeling our negative emotions, yet in some cases, we must confront these sensations to begin [...]

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Distracted by Desire: Infidelity and Emotional Affairs

Distracted by Desire: Infidelity and Emotional Affairs

Kate Motaung2024-10-29T11:23:14+00:00August 28th, 2023|Couples Counseling, Featured, Individual Counseling, Infidelity and Affairs, Marriage Counseling, Relationship Issues|

Statistics concerning divorce rates can be alarming. Most sources report that roughly half of all marriages endure. Among the other fifty percent that end, a lack of commitment and infidelity are cited as top contributors to why many couples part ways. The American Psychological Association (APA) defines infidelity as “the situation in which one partner in a marriage or intimate relationship becomes sexually or emotionally involved with a person other than the partner’s spouse.” While we can respect that description, it is important for believers in Christ to understand that adultery, like other sins, does not originate at the point of a physical or emotional exchange with another human being. Infidelity and the state of an emotional affair, however, begins in the heart (Ephesians 2:3). With unrestricted access, our adversary can influence our thoughts, emotions, and actions. He seeks to gain a foothold in our lives to build a fortress (Ephesians 4:17). For that reason, we need to establish a hedge of prayerful and practical protection around our minds, mates, and marriages. We don’t have to live in fear, but we can be active in saving our marriage before it’s threatened. In the cases where we have been distracted by desire and experienced infidelity or an emotional affair, we can recover to make our marital bond more resilient. There may be many reasons or explanations why we or our spouses sought companionship or intimacy outside of the marriage. These reasons don’t excuse infidelity or an emotional affair. Where there are gaps or unmet needs, we need to be willing to commune with our hearts and face what prompted us to seek fulfillment elsewhere (Psalm 4:4). We must also engage and be present with our spouse in honest, ongoing conversations where we demonstrate an active and compassionate response to one [...]

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Aging in America: Effects of Negative Stereotypes

Aging in America: Effects of Negative Stereotypes

Sandra Stein2024-09-27T10:56:03+00:00April 30th, 2023|Aging and Geriatric Issues, Featured, Individual Counseling|

Aging in America can be an intimidating prospect. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, older adults are projected to outnumber children by the year 2034. Despite this evidence of an aging America, the elderly continue to be devalued and stigmatized. Some societies, such as Japan, respect their elderly and hold them in high esteem for their experience and wisdom. Old age is viewed as a normal stage of life and something to enjoy, as opposed to something to fear. In America, however, youth is valued over old age, and the word “old” tends to be a put-down loaded with negative undertones. The elderly are often diminished, subject to age discrimination in the workforce, disrespected, stripped of dignity by being addressed in condescending or patronizing ways, and regarded as unimportant and less worthy of care. Older adults are one of the only stigmatized groups that we all become part of some day. And that’s always struck me as interesting – that we would treat so poorly a group of people that we’re destined to become someday. – William Chopik, Assistant Professor of Psychology, MSU America is obsessed with youth. People want to look younger and will lie about their age. Media fuels this desire by glorifying youth and beauty, and is one of the main perpetrators of prejudice and bias against the aging in America. Mass media depicts old people as frail, slow, forgetful, less competent, and senile. Ads featuring older people often reinforce these stereotypical images and messages. They perpetuate negative attitudes toward the elderly and what they can and cannot do, or should or should not do, that are out of whack with reality. This leaves many individuals to fear aging in America. They fear not having enough money to meet their basic needs, becoming a burden to [...]

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Grieving for Good: How Christian Grief Counseling Can Help

Grieving for Good: How Christian Grief Counseling Can Help

Kate Motaung2024-09-27T11:00:08+00:00January 13th, 2023|Featured, Grief Counseling, Individual Counseling|

Grieving can take many different forms, depending on the person experiencing it and the circumstances surrounding the loss of a loved one, parent, or friend. It has the potential to be debilitating, bringing your life to a grinding halt as you try to make sense of how you feel about the passing of a person who played such a vital role in your life. On the other hand, it may come as a relief and cause for celebration that the person who was dear to you will no longer have to deal with their disease or misery. Complicated grief is a complicated collection of feelings, and it has the potential to throw us off balance and advance the mourning process in ways that we did not anticipate. This might carry on for an infinite amount of time. There is no set time frame for the grieving process; it lasts for as long as we require to go through our emotions and readjust to life without the deceased person in our lives. It may take some time before we can come to grips with the fact that we may have regrets over things that we may have left unsaid, particularly if we had unresolved issues with that person. Honoring those we have lost through grieving. The desire of the people I work with to memorialize their departed loved ones in a meaningful way is something that comes up quite frequently in our conversations. One way that people are often able to achieve closure after the loss of a loved one is by engaging in an activity that is both tangible and significant and that pays honor to the life that was lost. A bereaved person can still honor the memory of a loved one who has passed away by taking [...]

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How to Implement Sabbath in Your Busy Life

How to Implement Sabbath in Your Busy Life

Kate Motaung2024-09-27T11:00:54+00:00January 7th, 2023|Featured, Individual Counseling, Personal Development, Spiritual Development|

Listen to this article Believers hear a lot about the importance of a Sabbath in their lives. In today’s busy world, it can be hard to find the time for the Sabbath, especially if you don’t understand just how helpful it can be. Sabbath goes beyond following a rule outlined in the Bible. It is a principle for wellness and a relationship with God. Even this, however, isn’t enough for many people. The reality is that implementing a Sabbath often feels impossible. But you can make a weekly Sabbath part of your life. But first, you need to understand it. What is Sabbath? The concept many are most familiar with is first introduced early in Genesis when the Bible describes creation. After the Bible describes the creation of the heavens and the earth, night and day, waters and sky, vegetation, sun and moon, sea creatures and birds, land animals, and finally man, all of creation is declared to be good. (Genesis 1) The first six days described are full of life, creation, and work. As we continue, something different happens: By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day, he rested from all his work. Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done. – Genesis 2:2-3, NIV This is the first time we see the concept of the Sabbath in the Bible though it isn't called that. It is simply God modeling the rhythm of work and rest. The very first idea of the Sabbath wasn’t introduced with rules dictated by God. It was modeled for us in the work and the rest of God. Since most people are reading [...]

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Should I Get Married? Considerations for a Potential Partnership

Should I Get Married? Considerations for a Potential Partnership

Kate Motaung2024-09-27T10:59:44+00:00November 16th, 2022|Featured, Individual Counseling, Premarital Counseling, Relationship Issues|

"Should I get married?" To borrow and paraphrase from a famed literary work, to marry or not to marry, that is the question. Like anything else, the consideration if we should get married, not simply when, is a heart matter to surrender to the Lord. However, that is not always the way that we operate when getting involved with a partner. We experience life’s rites of passage and organically connect with others in the process. Relationships form, but we don’t always ask the question of whether or not marriage is part of God’s plan for our lives. Society normalizes being in a relationship and can regard the unattached single as a novelty. Often, our families and culture socialize us into becoming part of a couple. Though well-intentioned, our loved ones may persist with questions and matchmaking attempts, as if something is deficient when we approach an age or reach an achievement milestone if we are not paired with a permanent partner. These influences filter through our subconscious, informing our emotions, and actions around the consideration of whether to marry or not. Although wise advisors shield us from misguided motives, the counsel of God’s voice speaking through His Word is the most critical response to the question, “Should I get married?” Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety. – Proverbs 11:14, ESV Should I Get Married? Where to Start One of the first and best steps to take is to reject the pressure to decide on marriage or singleness. God has already planned out each of the days that are written about you, which should be a fact that brings comfort and relief (Psalms 139:16; Philippians 1:6). There are wise principles in His Word to embrace as you consider the [...]

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Scripture About Worry: Finding Hope in God’s Word

Scripture About Worry: Finding Hope in God’s Word

Joanna Kucherera2024-09-27T10:56:22+00:00September 29th, 2022|Anxiety, Featured, Individual Counseling, Spiritual Development|

Worrying is a normal human reaction caused by uncertainty or fear of things that are beyond one’s control. Most people want to feel like they are in control of their lives or certain aspects of them. Ironically, life by its very nature is uncertain, and for most people, this translates to having one or more things to worry about at any given time. Common things that people worry about include their own or their loved one’s health, finances, employment issues, and relationships. Worry is not just limited to circumstances, but it can extend to things happening in the bigger world around us. The mainstream news adds to the worry list as they expose crime, inflation, rising costs of living, wars, civil unrest in different parts of the world, natural disasters, hunger and famine, and climate change. For the past few years, the COVID-19 pandemic has also been a significant driver of worry. People were worried about whether they or their loved ones would contract the virus and if they did, whether they would survive it. Healthcare workers were caught between worrying about the welfare of their patients and worrying about their safety in the workplace. People worried about vaccines and whether there would be enough for everyone and whether they were safe to take. People worried about losing their jobs and those that lost their jobs continue to worry about their livelihoods. Given all this, it is easy for one to be consumed by fear which in turn leads to worrying. Does worry change things? There is a famous saying by Erma Bombeck which says, “worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.” What this means is, worrying does not prevent bad things from happening. Instead of losing yourself in [...]

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Living with OCD: Types and Treatment Options

Living with OCD: Types and Treatment Options

Cyndi Kay Green2024-09-27T10:55:46+00:00September 14th, 2022|Featured, Individual Counseling, OCD|

Do you feel like everything must be in order, so you don’t panic? Is your main reason for cleaning your house based on the fear of germs? This doesn’t mean you are one of the millions of people living with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Over the years we have become flippant about the use of the term OCD. This mental health issue is not something to take lightly as it affects so much of daily life. However, you don’t need to feel like you are alone in your struggle with OCD, since many people struggle with symptoms of OCD in their everyday life. What is OCD? Obsessive-compulsive disorder is a result of decreasing anxiety to certain triggers. These triggers can be various thoughts, places, actions, or words that create anxiety due to an experience in the past. Whatever the cause, OCD is not just peculiar behavior. It can be complex and sometimes hard to diagnose. These obsessive-compulsive behaviors can have a huge impact on the daily life of someone who has been diagnosed with OCD. Obsessive-compulsive disorder is a mental health issue. It requires a medical diagnosis. When a person is obsessive, he or she experiences intruding or repetitive thoughts or urges that can create stress. The compulsion aspect is when a person is repetitive in a particular action or ritual. A person with OCD may exhibit one or both of these behaviors. Learning to recognize these patterns in behavior is key to understanding how to function with OCD. Main Dimensions or Types of OCD There are four main categories, called dimensions, of OCD. A person may be classified in one or more of these types of obsession or compulsion. These occur over time and rarely change. It is how a person tends to live based on beliefs due to [...]

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